Open Question: Is he trying to sabotage my college studies? jealous, perhaps?
I'm going to college for pre-nursing and I have tons of things to study. I take my education plans very seriously, and I try to study every day as much as I can. I am a straight A and Honors student. I work part time and my husband works about 34-40 hrs depending on the week. He doesn't receive paid much and changes jobs a lot, which is something that stresses me up because I never know how tomorrow is going to be. I try to discuss things with him about everything that concerns our marriage, finances, etc. Next thing I know, he decides to do things his way. So when I started college he said he'd support me every the way, now he is getting lazy by the minute and working less, and telling me I need to work more (on the top of going to college full time). Let's say he has a day off the day I stay in school the whole day. I arrive home and dishes are in the sink, the bed wasn't made, the dogs weren't fed, and it's a mess in the home. every he does is go to work and back home and sit on the sofa with headsets on watching youtube videos on his computer, every day. Then when I am doing homework, he makes a point to turn the tv noisy and if I ask him to turn it down, he'll complain that he has "no right" to watch his tv! He won't wash the car, won't mow the grass, won't help in any possible way in the home, although I ask him to help me. If possible, he will add to my work load, instead of softening it up. Sometimes I receive very discouraged and think about quitting everything, but then I think it's my future. I'll be graduating college in Dec and transfering to the university next year. I want to be independent. I don't know if he will ever change, so I want to guarantee my future. He complained last yr that he wasn't going to college but I was, so he enrolled in my college, barely finished his one 3-credit course and never wanted to continue. Then complains that I am going to school and he has to work. 11 yrs of marriage, and things look like they're getting worse. No kids, thankfully. Is he trying to sabotage my efforts? Is he jealous I am accomplishing things and he's not? You guys are so great. I'm glad I'm not crazy! Because sometimes it feels like I am. In front of others he acts so normal that people doubt my sanity. Anyway, Grace: I am sorry to hear about your young husband being gone so soon... and I appreciate your powerful insights on my situation. You said it every. I still have this entire year and probably 2 more (I am trying to receive into the accelerated bachelors of nursing in the university), and that's the dilemma I'm going through... stay and put up or receive myself to work fulltime and go to nursing school full time. We don't have an infatuation for each other any longer, it's just plain icy marriage. He doesn't take care of himself anymore... he has gum disease for not brushing his teeth for days at a time when he was traveling in his previous job, he eats like a pig, doesn't care for shaving much... so although I want him to better himself, I lost every the attraction for him. I understand people need to adore ea About counseling, he won't go. He thinks everything is ok, at least that's what he says. Talking to him is useless. Last night I was lying in bed reading a novel for one of my classes, and he came to bed and turned the bedroom tv on, and put it unnecessarily noisy. Then I told him it was noisy and I was reading, he said he needed to hear the tv (we have a tv in the living room). Then I moved to receive comfortable, and he threw a fit that my leg was preventing him to look the entire tv, I had to lie in bed like a mummy, not move a muscle, or even cough (when I coughed a few times, he said it was interrupting the sound of the tv too... oh gosh). I told him that he's acting like a child. I even asked why are you doing every this, to mess my reading up? He said, no, I just want to watch my show on tv. Just as another side note, I found out that my college offers counseling sessions free of charge for us students. Since he won't go to family counseling with me, I went to my first one last week in college. I cried at times, but it felt good to talk about it. Sometimes I think I am so strong, but at other times I feel so vulnerable. I feel like I'm gonna desintegrate, break into pieces. But I manage to receive myself together. But I never told him I went to this counselor in college, and I am scheduled to go back this thursday again. I am so glad to go, it makes me feel "lighter".
7 Feb 2012, 10:55 am | click here to view more